A Touch of Naughtiness

I like to think of myself as a fundamentally good person who is, in both friendship and amour, attracted to other fundamentally good people. But there comes a time in one’s life when, for no reason in particular, one feels compelled to confess dark secrets. Mine include:

• Faked a positive result on a Tuberculosis test. For the fun of it.
• Fed stunned but living mosquitoes (which recently had dined on me) to an ants’ nest. The mosquitoes were crowd-surfed away.
• After a 5 year old child said, “I want my mommy,” I replied “I want your mommy too.”
• Convinced a friend that the pivot point of his elbow during right-handed auto-erotica had led to a crippling curvature of his member, and that he needed to use only the other hand for a few years.
• Attempted to burn a wooden religious icon when in need of firewood (prevented by others, sadly).
• Smurfed a feminist.
• Accidentally started a long-lasting rumor that one of our virginal friends had contracted the clap.
• Hid a sewing machine in the trunk of a friends car, leaving her and her family to spend an entire week wondering how on earth it suddenly appeared in their car.